by Anthony Glassman

Dayton--Nine times out of ten, when a trio of queens are putting on a show that gets written up in an LGBT newspaper, you can be sure that someone is going to wind up lip-syncing �I�m Every Woman.�

But when the show is comprised of Michele Balan, Vickie Shaw and Poppy Champlin, it�s not drag queens that are taking the stage. Instead, it�s the Queer Queens of Qomedy. (It�s up for debate if that last word is pronounced �comedy� or �kwomedy.� The lack of a U is very confusing.)

Champlin has performed on VH1, A&E, Lifetime and Comedy Central. Well, every stand-up comedian who has been on television in the last 20 years has been on Comedy Central at some point, but it�s still an impressive thing for a lesbian comedian to put on her r�sum�.

She�s also the driving force behind the Queer Queens of Qomedy tour, which is coming to Wiley�s in Dayton on September 11 to 14.

She�s studied with Second City in Chicago, performed at the closing of the Gay Games, worked on a sitcom, made annual pilgrimages to do a show in Provincetown and at the Dinah Shore Weekend and knocked them dead at sea on R Family Vacations and Atlantis Cruises.

The cruises let her wear her favorite bathing suit, a three-piece.

�You know, the three-piece? Top, bottom and the curtain that goes over the whole thing?� AfterEllen.com quoted one of her bits. �Kids are coming up to me going, �What time�s the puppet show?� �

Champlin is bringing two other massively talented comedians with her.

Vickie Shaw, a yellow rose if ever there was one, is �a Texan by birth and a lesbian by Grace. And if you see Grace, tell her I say hi.�

At the same time she decided to really pursue her stand-up career, Shaw came out as lesbian.

�I would have come out as a stand-up, but it would have killed my parents,� she quips.

Her brother, however, was not well pleased with her lesbianism.

�It�s a cult! That ho-mo-sex-you-al-it-tee is a cult! They suck you in,� she drawls, recalling his reaction.

�I know,� she replied. �Why do you think I joined?�

Of course, coming to the realization that she was queer was not easy for her, either.

�I spent my whole childhood going, �Oh my God. I may be attracted to women, but I can�t be a lesbian. I like Laura Ashley polished cottons! And I throw like a girl! And I cry for no apparent reason all the time!�

�Oh my God, I�m a gay man!� she realized.

Joining Shaw and Champlin is Michele Balan, who proved that missing an L in your name won�t prevent you from killing on NBC�s Last Comic Standing, in which she was the final female competitor in season four.

She walked out on stage and looked at the monitor during episode 7.

�I don�t even look like myself,� she said. �The hair and the makeup--I look like a stand-in for myself.�

The brassy New Yorker has the attitude to match her home town. On a trip to Montr�al, she was confounded by the times listed on her itinerary.

�I was arriving at eighteen-hundred o�clock. I told my friend I�d call her at twenty-hundred. I didn�t know what time it was the whole trip,� she said. �Why does Canada use military time but never go to war? Does anybody know?�

�Canada actually offered to help us in the Iraq war,� she continued. �They were going to send their weapon of mass destruction--Celine Dion.�

These three weapons of mass distraction have shows on Thursday, September 11 and Sunday, September 14 at 8:30 pm, while on Friday, the performance is at 9 pm. Saturday will see two shows, 8 pm and 10:30 pm.

Warning! Vickie Shaw will not at the Thursday show. Of course, that will just give you an excuse to see Q3 twice . . .

Tickets are $10 on Thursday and Sunday, $15 on Friday and $20 on Saturday. Wiley�s is at 101 Pine Street in Dayton, and reservations can be made online at www.wileyscomedyclub.com or by calling 937-2245653.

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