Pastor learns truth, must be destroyed

Windham, N.H.--Pastor Bert Farias of Holy Fire Ministries believes he knows the cause of homosexuality, and apparently it is fart demons.

In an opinion piece on CharismaNews.com, he wrote, �Homosexuality is actually a demon spirit. It is such a putrid-smelling demon that other demons don�t even like to hang around it. A genuine prophet of God told me that the Lord allowed him to smell this demon spirit, and he got sick to his stomach.�

Farias did not specify which prophet of God.

He then proceeded to mess up a biblical story which he then quoted directly, illustrating his own error.

�There is an account in the Bible where Jesus casts 2,000 demons out of a man. The demons came out screaming and begged Jesus to send them into the pigs,� he wrote. �The pigs didn�t want them, so they ran down a steep hill and were drowned in the sea.�

However, in the next paragraph, he quotes Mark 5:11-13. �Now a large herd of swine was feeding there near the mountains. So all the demons begged him, saying, �Send us to the swine, that we may enter them.� And at once Jesus gave them permission. Then the unclean spirits went out and entered the swine (there were about two thousand); and the her ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned in the sea.�

Aside from the biblical verses he quotes contradicting him, it is also unclear which version of the Bible he is quoting from. It is close to the King James Bible, noted for its large number of typographical errors, but there are significant differences. So, apparently, while he knows where homosexuality comes from, he does not know the Bible.

Conversion therapy is consumer fraud

Jersey City, N.J.--Saying that homosexuality is a curable mental disorder is a form of consumer fraud, according to a superior court judge.

Four men sued Jews Offering Hew Alternatives for Healing, also known as JONAH.

Judge Peter F. Bariso Jr. wrote in a pretrial ruling on some of the issues in the case that mental health professionals do not view homosexuality as a disorder, and describing it as such constituted consumer fraud. He further wrote that citing statistics of successful treatment was also fraudulent since such statistics cannot be calculated factually.

A week earlier, Bariso said that JONAH could not call five �expert� witnesses in the case, expected to face a jury this summer. He said they could not be called because their status as experts relied on the assumption that homosexuality was a disorder, which it is not according to mental health organizations.

Another expert witness for JONAH will be allowed to testify, although on a separate subject.

One of the four men, three Jews and a Mormon, who filed the suit has been dismissed because he did not pay for the treatment. However, his mother, who did pay for it, is also a plaintiff, as is the mother of another one of the men.

The military will pay for Manning�s hormone treatment

Washington, D.C.--The Defense Department said on February 12 that Chelsea Manning, the former analyst convicted of giving classified documents to Wikileaks, has been approved for hormone therapy for her gender reassignment.

Manning pointed to the confusion and depression involved in her gender dysphoria as mitigating factors in her situation.

Manning sued the federal government, alleging that they were not providing enough treatment for her gender dysphoria, leaving her at risk for self-castration and suicide. Her Army-provided psychotherapist was not qualified to handle transgender issues, the suit said.

As Bradley Manning, she was convicted in August 2013 of leaking over 700,000 documents to the website while stationed in Iraq. While the military does not allow openly transgender people to serve, Manning cannot be discharged until after her 35-year sentence is completed.

Trans SEAL to challenge house minority whip

Upper Marlboro, Md.--Kristin Beck, a transgender former Navy SEAL, has filed paperwork to challenge House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer in the 2016 Democratic primary.

Beck�s reason for running revolves around what she views as Hoyer�s failure to address the debilitating mortgage crisis in Maryland while Congress bailed the banks out of the housing crisis with $11 billion in federal funds.

She pointed out that Prince George�s County, part of Hoyer�s district, had the highest level of foreclosures in the state.

Beck was once a member of SEAL Team 6, which later went on to kill Osama bin Laden in Pakistan. She served in the SEALs for over twenty years until her retirement four years ago, after which she transitioned.

She now lives with her girlfriend in Upper Marlboro.

Kansas governor rescinds LGBT worker protections

Topeka, Kan.--Gov. Sam Brownback rescinded the protections for state LGBT workers issued by former Gov. Kathleen Sebelius on February 10.

Brownback said that any addition of protected classes should be done through the legislature, not through executive order, although such orders are fairly commonplace among governors.

Sebelius� executive order prevented the harassment of LGBT workers in agencies overseen by the governor�s office, covering 25,000 state employees. The state has 41,000 employees.

The ACLU of Kansas� legal director, Doug Bonney, said that worker protections are traditionally put forward by the governor through executive order, then later passed by the legislature. He pointed to Harry Truman and John F. Kennedy, who both issued executive orders like the one Brownback rescinded.

Equality Kansas executive director Thomas Witt pointed out that it would be open season on LGBT employees in offices with homophobic managers or other employees.

Breaking news: Ted Cruz is a jerk

Washington, D.C.--Sen. Ted Cruz, a likely 2016 Republican contender for president despite being born in an strange, foreign land to a father who was not American, put forward legislation on February 10 that would prevent the federal government from granting marital benefits to couples living in states that do not recognize same-sex marriage.

The State Marriage Defense Act is cosponsored by 11 senators, all Republican, and was introduced into the House by Rep. Randy Weber of Texas, with 22 cosponsors.

�I support traditional marriage and we should reject attempts by the Obama Administration to force same-sex marriage on all 50 states,� Cruz said in a statement. �The State Marriage Defense Act helps safeguard the ability of states to preserve traditional marriage for their citizens.�

Cruz� statement accused the Supreme Court of �improperly� striking Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which defined marriage as an opposite-sex institution in federal law, disregarding states that had legalized same-sex marriage.

Cruz and Sen. Mike Lee of Utah introduced the bill last year, where it was killed by the Democrat-controlled Senate. Control of the Senate, however, went over to Republicans in the November general election.

Cruz also promised to introduce a federal constitutional amendment requiring that any change to marriage law must be passed by state legislatures.

Cruz� opposition to same-sex marriage might hurt him and the rest of the Republican candidates in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina�s caucuses and primaries next year. An NBC News/Marist College poll of showed that about half of likely GOP voters in those states view opposition to same-sex marriage as �mostly� or �totally� unacceptable in their candidates.